The Practice of Therapy

Gordon Brewer
Okay, if you want to do the little blurb Hi, everyone,

David Neagle
my name is David Nagel. I'm the owner of Life as now. We are a mindset and strategy company that helps people of all different kinds of small business achieve success faster than they previously thought was possible.

Gordon Brewer
Well, hello, everyone, and welcome again to the podcasts. And I'm happy for you get to know today. David Nagel Welcome, David.

David Neagle
Thanks for having me. It's

Gordon Brewer
an honor to be here. Yes, yes. And so David's one of those good folks that reached out to me and after chatting with him, I feel like what he brings is going to be really interesting to folks, just thinking about our mindset and how we do things and, you know, maybe how we can grow faster with our with our practices. So David is a topic start with everyone. Why don't you tell folks a little more about yourself and how you've landed where you've landed? Yeah, be

David Neagle
happy to. So like, as we were talking about off air, I'm from Chicago, grew up on the streets of Chicago, my parents got divorced when I was relatively young, they weren't around very much. So I really didn't have a whole lot of guidance in my life. And I quit high school when I was in set when I was 17. Got married, very young, had a couple of kids and found myself in a situation where I couldn't live up to the responsibility that I created for myself. And I was, I didn't have any skill sets, either. I was driving a forklift on a dock and I and I drove a truck on the weekends. So I was working about 16 at or as we're about six and a half days a week. And I was desperately trying to find a way to break out of that problem that I created. And for over a period of about two years, I was trying to do everything that I could to get out of the situation. And it was just getting worse, it was progressively getting worse, woke up in the morning, my car was repossessed, we had to leave, we had to move out of our apartment in the middle of night, they wouldn't let us out of our lease, we couldn't afford to live there anymore had to move 60 miles away to a not a favorable neighborhood where we live next door to a drug dealer that used to beat his wife on a regular basis. I mean, it was it was bad. And we went bankrupt, we were totally bankrupt, right? I mean, very early 20s was not a good start. And for this period of time, I'm trying to figure out any kind of way to change this around. Here was the where I was getting stuck. I was thinking that the mistake that I made was quitting High School, and that I needed to go back and get an education in order to have a skill so that I could be employable somewhere. So I was an I didn't have any money, and I didn't have any time to do it. So I was trying to figure out how do I get more money and more time, that was for two years, I was spending all my energy and trying to figure out how to open that door to get to get someplace Of course, this is before the internet, right? You had to go to a community college, what you know, that type of thing. And then, about two years into this into this struggle, I just like I said it was progressively getting worse as I was going and I had a really, really bad day. I got in trouble twice before I even punched in at work. It was brutally cold, I was absolutely exhausted. My spouse was complaining about the situation that we were in. And it was one of those days where just everything's going wrong, right? It just couldn't get any worse. And I was on a forklift in the back of a trailer and I just broke down crying. And I was like, God, please show me something. I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. Everything I'm doing is the wrong thing to do. Show me what to do. And I heard this voice in my head that said, Change your attitude. And it was loud. And it was clear and it was distinct. And it snapped me out of the losing composure. And I sat there for a few minutes. And I thought about it. And I thought to myself, is it possible that this if I was to work on that, it would change the situation that I'm in and of course I got this other voice had gone David, that's the craziest thing you've ever thought there's no way that's going to change this situation. But I also remembered that I had heard that many times before as a kid because I wasn't a good student in school. And of course, my parents would get called in. And the teacher would say David's a pretty bright guy. But he's got a terrible attitude when it comes to doing schoolwork. And if he would change that he would do relatively well. But I'll never change that attitude. Never change but my parents never taught me how to change it either. They didn't teach me how to change it. Nobody taught me how to study. They didn't understand what my difficulties were in school and show me how to work around those things. Nothing. It was it was I would get grounded from one report card to another when I would when I would come home and I spent my whole childhood like this. So I started thinking okay, let me let me work on this attitude thing. What is it because I'm not even sure I know what got an attitude is, and I looked at a gentleman that owned the company that I worked for. And at the time, I was working for the largest food importer in the United States. And this guy started the business in his garage. So for some reason, I kind of related to him, probably because it seemed like he didn't have such a head start. I didn't know anything about successful people never been around a successful person. Nothing. And matter of fact, most of the knowledge that I had about successful people was negative hearsay that I heard growing up. So I thought, What's the difference between him and me? And I thought, Okay, well, if you started this in his garage, and he's built it to this huge company, he must have loved what he did to some degree. And I was looking at the fact of what I knew I didn't have, I hated what I was doing, hated it hated it, every day, I would wake up, and I'd be like, I hate this, and just had a negative perspective about it all day. So I thought, Okay, well, he must have loved it. So that's one difference. Number two, he must have done a really good job, because he built it from this little company that he had in his garage until this huge company that supplies half the United States with imported foods from around the world. And three, was this really weird experience that I had with him. So back in that day, he had one of the first almost fully automated warehouses that there were, wow. And all these different CEOs from other companies would come into the warehouse, and he would give tours of this place. And they were all in their suits. And, you know, all of us, others are working, you know, work and sweat and freezing, whatever the weather was in the warehouse. 85% of the people in the warehouse didn't even speak English. And he would never walk past somebody without stopping and saying, Hello, how are you? How's your day, how's your family, that type of thing. And I thought to myself, that is such a huge contradiction. From what I've heard about successful people in my life, I grew up with this working class, attitude of the man is keeping everybody down, and the haves and the have nots, and you know, all this separation and stuff. And that basically, these guys, these guys were real jerks. And that's, that was not my experience with him. So the third thing that I recognized was that he treated everybody with total respect, it didn't matter where you were. Right? Everybody got respect. So I thought, Okay, I'm going to try to change those three things, and I'm going to stick to it for a year, I'm going to act like I love what I do. I'm going to try to do everything to the best of my ability, which I really didn't even know what that entailed. Because nobody helped me ever do that before. And I was going to treat people with total respect. Now, when I made the decision to do this, I was making $20,000 a year 30 days after I made the decision I was making $62,000 62,500 a year. Everything changed so fast, that I paused me. And I thought to myself, What did I just do? Because if I could make this kind of a significant change with a poor work record, with no education, with previously having a terrible attitude, getting in all kinds of trouble. What could I do if I actually knew what I was doing that everybody around me? They couldn't explain what happened to me either. They were all saying, I got lucky. And I shouldn't, you know, stick with this luck. Wherever I was going for the rest of my life. Don't screw this up. Like you've screwed everything else up before that type of thing. And I'm like, No, there's something else here. But I didn't know anybody that could explain it to me. So I started going to the library. And I started picking up books, biographies, I was determined to find out to learn about myself and figure out what it was that I had done, and how do I replicate it? How do I grow it? How do I do this in my life, and of course, and it led me to cassette tapes on the books on tape, and biographies on tape and seminars. And I eventually met my mentor around 1996. And I studied for a period of seven years. Now the company that I went to work for that day, I started off as a truck driver, and I never went back to school. But seven years later, I was in charge of expanding that company across the country. And it just through maintaining the attitude, keeping those three core attitudes and beliefs very close and, you know, holding myself to a higher standard constantly. Seven years later, I decided that I was going to start my own business. I just loved what I have learned so much. And the other thing was that I had this experience where people would come up to me, you know, on the sly, and they'd be like, Dude, what are you doing? Like, there's a new meme. Most of my life is a lot of these people. What do you do and how do you How is this even possible that you went from this place? Now you've got this success, you know what's going on? And I would try to share with them what I did and the ones that would listen and they would start changing their lives. Of course, the ones that didn't didn't do anything. But I thought there's something here, I've got something I've got, I've got, it's valuable in the marketplace. I always wanted to have my own business ever since I was a kid. But I didn't know what to do so that I started down this road. And that was 2024 years ago, this October be 24 years that we've missed this. And it's just been a fantastic journey. I mean, we've been teaching people in small business all over the world and speak all over the world. And we do work with corporations to some degree, as needed, but that's, that was the journey.

Gordon Brewer
Yeah, yeah. So what I'm curious as to what, how did other than changing your attitude and kind of your outlook about the job and all of that sort of thing? What were the other things that tended to happen as a result of that, that caused it to move quicker for you?

David Neagle
Well, the main thing was that I realized that my entire belief system was based on living a life that was of non risk and safety, right, higher middle class working class, their value system, and most of their beliefs are about helping them make it from birth to death without getting themselves into too much trouble. It's not really about expanding their life. It's just hanging on to the little bit that they've got. And as I slowly got introduced to this, I saw so many what I call value conflicts, right? Like I would hear different things. And they'd be like, I don't, that's not what I was raised to believe, how can this be true? And I would investigate it, investigate it and find out that it is one of the things was about money. Like the the conflicting beliefs that most people have about money is absolutely atrocious, and it keeps them completely broke. Because if you dig into it, it's almost like this necessary evil, right? Like you have to have money to survive. But you don't want to have too much or you're greedy. You don't want to go too big, or because what if you fall, you don't want to get disappointed. And you end the nonsensical belief that you've got to work hard and long to make a lot of money. Is that one of the biggest lies that has ever been portrayed on on mankind? It just keeps them stuck. It's unreal. The truth is, the more money you make, the easier it actually is. So those were, those were some of the basics that changed everything for me. unbelievably fast.

Gordon Brewer
Right. Right. Yeah. And that's, I think that's one of the things that folks that have listened to me for a while now. You know, I think a lot of us struggle with our money mindset. You know, I've heard people that, again, people have been listening to podcast, my dad, God love him, was a terrible money manager, and never really learned how to how to take money and have it work for him, as opposed to just being this, this commodity that was scarce, and that you just hung on to it. And you know, and then if you needed more, you just go into debt kind of thing. And so that was that was a big shift for me and just thinking about my mindset around money. And I think to just a lot of people, like you alluded to grew up with a lot of money shame. You know, it's kind of like, if you've got too much money than something's, you know, you're here with the bad guy, or yes, yeah. All of that sort of thing. Yeah.

David Neagle
Yeah. To such as beer degree, that one of the things that I was just completely shocked by, was it as I began to work with people all over all different kinds of people. I was, as they were, as they would start to become successful, they were getting rejected by their families, yes. Started to pass the level of the family, they were getting rejected. And the beliefs that were behind that were just they were, they were so steeped in ignorance, it was unbelievable. But it also caused a real conflict in the person, like, do I go after my success and really live the life that I want? Or do I play close to the vest so that my family's not upset? And so many people? You know, it's kind of interesting. We all I think we all unconsciously know to some degree whether or not our family is going to accept if we actually become really successful. Because we were we grew up in those families, we heard what their views are, right? We start to surpass that and we start to get rejected for it. It's like we go back into our five year old body, and then we don't you know, we collapse on ourselves. We we literally self sabotage at that point.

Gordon Brewer
Right. Right. Yeah, just that whole. That whole money. Shame. There's a saying we have here in the south is don't get above your raising. And that's Yeah, and so that's your counter that same thing? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So if thinking about all of this, David, what do you find is a good It's a starting place for people and thinking about changing their money mindset, or changing the way that they think about growing their business, those kinds of things.

David Neagle
I think it has to start with the with this first belief, most of us were raised that we can't have what we want. And until that changes will sabotage at that level, which keeps people not getting to experience enough success to really believe in themselves, that they can do it because that beginning journey, you have to accept failure, right. And it's another thing. They're, they're we're raised in a society that as children, because they're preparing us to go to work for somebody else, failure is not tolerated, right, you're lazy, you're not working hard enough, you're not dedicated, you're not disciplined. Failure is essential if you're going to have success beyond your own self preservation, where you're really going to expand in your life. And and failure is a lesson it's not. It's not something that should be looked at from a negative perspective. But the hardest question that I've seen in the 30 years that I've been studying 24 years that I've been in business, is people honestly being an anti answer what they honestly want, like, what do they really want, they'll tell you what they think they can do, which is based on their past. They'll tell you what they think they should do, which is based on their family and their social unit. But they've never really considered or allowed themselves to consider hands down. What do I want in life? Like I have the ability to create my life? What do I want? That question just trips people up to know it. But if you can start to answer even just a little bit, it will start opening doors for you. Because it's like, once a student is ready, the teacher will appear right? I truly believe that for every human being. Once you open that door, things start showing up that are going to take you take you further if you just keep walking through those open doors, but I think it's the first one I think you have to you have to want something beyond the situation that you're in. And it needs to be something that is that's really coming from the desire of your heart, not something that you think you should do, or that you're being pressured by somebody else or society to do.

Gordon Brewer
Yeah, yeah, I think a few things that you said have said so far that just kind of stand out for me as is one is the fear of failure. And, you know, just kind of looking at it from putting my clinical hat on, you know, one of the things about for people to grow, they have it outside their comfort zone. Yeah. And so that they have to. But the other thing is that it's also through, like, repeating what you said, but it's through failure that we learn is that we figure out other it's, it's what causes us to think in different ways.

David Neagle
I agree. You know, I think it's the failure and the judgment. When I realized or when I came to this belief that I had made a mistake by quitting High School, I'm not so sure that it was a mistake now that I look back at it. But at the time, it sure seemed like that was the big one. I started going to people and asking them because I didn't know what to do. I honestly did not know how like I felt so caged in by mistake. I didn't know how to break out. And every person that I went to said the same damn thing to me. Told you so told you not to quit. Yeah, what do you think was gonna happen? Not one person in my family in my environment gave me any kind of real direction, like, Okay, you messed up. But here's what you do now. Right? Not one person.

Gordon Brewer
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's part of that has to start with ourselves in being able to, to bypass those negative messages that that are warranting in that way. You know, it's, you know, again, just thinking about it from just kind of a therapists perspective here. You know, a lot of times when we, one of the things that comes to mind for me, is just working with people that are struggling with some sort of addiction. Yeah. And the people that succeed in recovery, are those people that don't let what has happened to them in the past, determine what they're going to do in the future. And so yeah, it's the same thing that you're, you're talking about is is that if you if you had stuck, if you'd stuck with that thought, or that idea that okay, I didn't finish high school. So that's the period at the end of the Senate's you would, you would still be doing what you were doing? Yeah. You wouldn't get past that. And yeah, I

David Neagle
think I was very fortunate with the idea that I started when from the day that I sat in that trailer and thought to myself, Okay, who do I know that has a better attitude than me? I start Learning from successful people that day that night. And I always kept that focus, because I realized, and I didn't, I don't think I understood near the implications of this. But I did realize that nobody that I knew had the ability to help me, because they had never been where I wanted to go, they dealt with the same problems I was dealing with mine were just worse. Because they were it seemed to be more final in the decision, you know. But once I started doing that, I started seeing how people made decisions very differently than I was raised. And that, again, it was not letting my past hold me back. But looking forward into the future and be like, What could I possibly do? And slowly but surely I step my way out of that situation?

Gordon Brewer
Yeah, yeah. Can you think of an example of a decision maybe that you made differently that you that you changed?

David Neagle
Well, so in the very beginning, the decision was that, so this other voice in my head that I mentioned earlier, was you're never going to do this, you've never stuck to anything in your life. Of course, that's what I always heard from my parents, you don't stick to anything, you don't stick to anything? Well, I hadn't found anything I was interested in either, right. And I knew that if I was interested in something that it wasn't difficult for me to do it, there were a couple of subjects in school that I was very fascinated with. And I did really well, but everything else was horrible. So I said, I'm going to do this for a year, I'm gonna stick to this for a year, I'm really going to do it. And of course, that that voice is gone. Now you're not stuck to anything, there's no way you're going to do this. So the first decision was that I was going to be that person every day. And even though I didn't, I knew I consciously knew that I was acting that part. Right. And so I would literally think things in my mind and try to associate things that I loved in my life. With being that individual, I started thinking about some things that I wanted. I heard somebody say, and I, I thought about this for a long time, I don't remember where I picked this up. But it was around that time, I heard somebody talk about goals, and they said write down 100 goals. Right now I'm thinking 100 goals like, I don't, I have, there's no way I could get to 100 that the exercise almost stopped me because of how big the exercise was, I could only think of three things that I wanted. I wanted to buy a house for my family that was very, very important to me, as something personally that I wanted, I wanted to buy my own boat, I grew up hunting and fishing in Wisconsin, all the summers of my youth. And we never had, we never had the money to have our own. But we always had to rent a rowboat or something. And I always wanted to own my own. So there was that. And then I thought I was kind of I was kind of trying to mirror somebody else's life. And I had an uncle that he his plan was basically to do those things. He had a boat, he bought property up in Wisconsin, he was building a cabin in a place that he could go and retire to. And I thought that's my long term vision, right? If I get some property and build something up there, at some point, I'd be really lucky if I could, if I could do that. And those were the images that I held in my mind of what it is that I wanted that I was working for. But first and foremost, it was that house, I wanted that house, I wanted to get my family out of that neighborhood so bad, I would go home and I would just be so humiliated, I would cry in the car, before I would get out of the car. I was I felt like this is all my responsibility. I screwed this up, I've got to get us. I've got to get us out of this. So that was the that was the first one. And then I decided that I was going to study every day so that where I went to work was 100 miles from where I lived. And I was willing to do that, because that was the place where I could afford a house at a decent neighborhood. And this was the job that I had that actually paid me enough money to live in any kind of house at all. So I got rid of I was I loved music like growing up like what teenager doesn't, right? I got rid of all the music out of my car. And I replaced it with books on tape. And I studied so it was an hour half drive to work and our half drive home. So three hours a day, I studied for seven years I did miss I did. I gave everything else up. I didn't go to movies unless it had to do with the kids or the family. I was either studying or at work, I was determined to learn enough about me so that I had the ability to change my situation. And that was in the beginning and then hiring a mentor was the next best. That was the next thing that moved me forward significantly because that took me over a million and while that may be a multimillionaire relatively quick. And that was a huge step because I was still working for myself. So I didn't take out like a second mortgage to be able to pay for credit cards. But I was just determined that this is the road that I was going to and hadn't done those things. I wouldn't have never started the business for myself.

Gordon Brewer
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So one is being clear on what it is that you want, even if it that probably. And I would guess that that can change for people over time what you want initially isn't necessarily where you're going to want later on. But you are clear on that. And then the the other part of it too is I like to call it persistence and consistency. And so you were persistent and consistent with what you did. And I would guess to David, that there was maybe part of this and you correct me if I'm wrong, is that you recognize that it wasn't going to necessarily happen really quickly. But you were just going to do it in small bites and just be consistent with that?

David Neagle
Yes, absolutely. I was determined, it will, like I said, I gave myself a year at the first time that I made the decision, right I had, and I was not looking at anything that would you would consider really abundant. I just wanted a small house for us to live. And it was no extravagant goal. Obviously setting goals within what I thought I could accomplish. And even that was a bit of a stretch, the, the I the goals and everything in it began to pick up speed once I built a foundation of understanding, and I was really internalizing knowledge and being able to practice it and develop the disciplines and begin and beginning to master that in my life.

Gordon Brewer
All right, right. So somebody's struggling with figuring out what it is they want, what what advice would you give them.

David Neagle
So what I do with all my clients is I have them start exactly where they are with the first thing I do is have them go through their life and see where they're denying themselves things that they want, right? I don't care what the justification or the excuses, but start writing down what it is you're not letting yourself have that you actually want. And then I feel like you need to give yourself permission to not only want it but to go be it do it or have it whatever it is. And you need to open up that desire inside of yourself. Because to me, in my experience, it is the first thing that catapults a person onto that journey of their life following that desire of their heart. I'm a firm believer that we all have a purpose in this life. And that we're not the only form of nature that doesn't have guidance to it. We just were taught not to listen to it, and learn how to listen to it. It'll take us on that journey of what our life is supposed to be about.

Gordon Brewer
Right? Right. I'm reminded of a quote by a guy by the name of Joseph Campbell. And he was he was a philosopher and teacher of mythology and comparative religions. But it's his favorite quote of mine is follow your bliss. And I'm paraphrasing the quote, follow your bliss and doors will open for you where you didn't realize there were even doors. And yeah, hero's journey, right? Yeah, that's exactly right. That's exactly right. Yeah. So that's great. So Well, David, I've got to be respectful of your time. But tell folks more about your things and how they can get in touch with you and all of that.

David Neagle
Sure, if you'd like to, if you'd like to get more familiar with us in our company, just listen to our podcast, the successful mind podcast, it's free, you don't have to subscribe. And you'll get a really good rounded idea of what it is that we do and what we're all about. Or you could go to David nagel.com. That's our website. Our life is now inc.com. So that's our website. Those are the places to get a hold of us and see what we got going on.

Gordon Brewer
Awesome. Awesome. Well, we'll have links here in the show notes in the show summary for people to access that quickly. So thank you. Well, David, thanks for being on the podcast and hope we can have another conversation here soon.

David Neagle
My pleasure love to do so. Thank you.