The Practice of Therapy

Gordon Brewer:
Well, hello everyone. And welcome again to the practice of therapy podcast. And I'm so excited to get, to get you to, to introduce to you or get you to meet a new friend, Latoya Smith and Latoya. Welcome to the podcast.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm definitely excited. I heard a lot of great things about you and I enjoyed listening to your pocket.
Gordon Brewer:
Well, thanks. Thanks. And you're off, you're off. You're too kind. We were discussing before we started LA Latoya made the comment that I have a pretty strong accent and I, I just I'm taken back by that because I think All y'all let people in general as that. And so, but anyway, that little toy, I was so glad to get to know you and glad to glad you're here. And, you know, and I, as, as we're, I start with everyone and I think I think folks are just going to be intrigued by your story. Just tell folks a little bit about your private practice journey and how you've landed, where you've landed.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. So well, I'm not originally from Texas. I'm definitely from the East coast, I'm from South Jersey. And then I moved to Texas in 2013 and it was some adjusting, you know, be honest growing up in South Jersey, right outside of Philadelphia. I never thought I'd live in Texas. So, so I came here and and worked my way up to, I mean, I was fully licensed at the time, but I worked my way up to being the clinical director. And then all of a sudden the company just start making changes. And for some people drastic changes, a lot of layoffs, some people getting fired and by the grace of God, I was laid off and I was given the opportunity to collect employment, unemployment benefits, and ironically up a couple months leading up to that, I had two different people.
LaToya Smith:
Tell me why don't you just start your own practice? And I was like, eh, I remember thinking in grad school, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do outpatient therapy all day. And now here, I'm out here. I am. So I started the practice, I got laid off and I remember sitting and not knowing what I was going to do or how I was going to do it. I knew over the years of practicing counseling, I knew the pieces. I knew, you know, the little things to do, like what, but I didn't know how to build a practice. As I remember that first week, like sitting in my living room, you know, almost like vacation, but then that quickly wears off when you don't have a job or like income. And it was at times to be honest, it was a little bit scary because I'm thinking, okay, I set up shop where people should come running in.
LaToya Smith:
And it didn't work that way. So a lot of days of just tears, a lot of days of pick up the phone and at that point I would have took anybody that would have said they wanted some counseling to come on in. And then here I am in 2020, I have a group practice. I started, I started my private practice and officially first client and like January, 2016. And here we are the summer of 2020, and I have all together, there's six therapists in the practice. We've expanded as far as offices and I'm just excited. I never thought I would have been here in grad school. I didn't think I'd be here and in 2013, but I'm just excited about how it's been growing.
Gordon Brewer:
Yeah. It's, it's funny how that, how that happens. I think for a lot of us is just there's the twist in terms of have kind of an idea. Thank you. Okay. This is the direction I want to go. And, and then things change along the way. And I think that's one of the things about it is you have to be flexible to those changes and, and, and it's exciting. That's why, that's why I like to refer to this as a journey, just because I think it's just a lot of times we just don't know what's around the next band when it comes to growing a practice and just all the things that can, can do.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. That's a good way to put it a journey and not like my exact blueprint, cause I never know how it's gonna play out or what's gonna happen. Especially like jumping the telehealth with the coach. Nobody, nobody saw that coming.
Gordon Brewer:
That's right. That's right. And here we are. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So one of the things that intrigues me about you look at Talia is just your use of story and for, for those of you that haven't done it, I would, I would encourage you to go over and take a look at what Toya is Facebook page and remind me the name of it. My, my over 50 brain is drawn. A blank of the name of your Facebook page
LaToya Smith:
For my business is LCS counseling.
Gordon Brewer:
Yes. But then the other one that you're doing, or the torture, the story telling part, Oh, that's strong witness. Yeah. That's it. I don't know why I couldn't remember that, but anyway, I was sharing with her before we started that she's got a video. There's just a very, to me was just a very touching a movie video about your own story, but maybe tell folks a little bit about how, how it is that story resonates for you and why you feel like that's important.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. well, I've started strong witness because at that point I realized, you know, when I was younger, I was a victim of just violence, childhood sexual abuse. And I had a story tied up on the inside of me about that incident for years. And because, because of shame and because of normalized secrecy, you know, I was like, okay, I'm not going to share it. But then when I started talking about it, like when I really, you know, the more I talked by was the wait, wait a minute. That was, that was too easy. Like I almost got mad at myself. Like, you mean to tell me all those years I had that tied up on the inside, even after being a licensed therapist. And then finally just like letting it go and not being afraid to speak that in front of people.
LaToya Smith:
I don't even know. And I realized the more I talked about it, the, the more the shame went away, I got more confident in my voice. And then, and then people started coming up to me and wow, I'm going to, you know, I experienced it. I'm thinking, Oh, okay, like this, you know, the more you talk and the more you share stories, it's this connection. And you realize you're not out on this Island by yourself. We all share in some type of way and certain stories. And it brings healing, which is what I needed. It brought understanding. I think people began to see me differently and realize, okay, this is, this is what she's experienced. Maybe this is how this makes her doesn't define me completely, but it made me more of who I am. So then I was like, you know, I want to help other people begin to share.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. And I had another name at first, but then I can't remember what that is. And then I came up with well, the Lord gave me strong witness. Just the idea of your witness when you're sharing your story. And then just the strength that we have in our voice. So now I do especially every April is sexual assault child abuse prevention month. I do something where survivors have an opportunity to speak and use their voice to tell their stories in their own way. And then also just do little events like on strong witness page, you'll see like little prompts then people can like, you know, finish the prompt to share a story, whatever they have in that area. So I just love the idea of being free and sharing and giving, you know, just allowing yourself to be who you are and letting your voice just go.
Gordon Brewer:
Right. Right. As you were telling that I was reminded of some of what Bernay Brown has said. And one, one of the things that one of the homework assignments I give my clients here lately, particularly couples I think is to watch the Netflix the Netflix talk that Bernay Brown did called the call to courage. And when you were talking about telling your story, I was just thinking that that just puts you in a very vulnerable place. And, and, and it's also through vulnerability that we also experienced courage and yeah. And one doesn't go without the other. And so yeah. And so that was that, that's one of the things that impresses me about, about that, but the same more about kind of, kind of your big idea, so to speak of just using story as a way to empower people and, and help them just in, not only in their practices, but just in life in general.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. I like I was saying to mingle, I love what you just said too about vulnerability and the idea that it builds the courage. And I posted something on social media and it was, this is the stuff that I love. It was a, a classmate from high school over 20 years ago. Commented, you know, you can be social media friends, but still not talk. And she commented. She was like, wow, I really love this. And what she said just touched. And I believe it was something along the lines, like she read in the book somewhere, but it's the idea that, you know, the most authentic stories allow us to be seen. And that's how connection is made when we allow ourselves to be seen through the, what seems like the hardest are the most authentic, you know? And I love that piece. So I love that piece where people can just let their guard down and just share as much as they're comfortable in sharing, but we're appropriate.
LaToya Smith:
And then the more those words come out and they realize that they can speak, they realize that they can put words to their pain and their emotions or whatever it is. I just see them light up and then realize, wow, I did it. You know, and then, and then they're happy that people begin to contact them and say, you know what? I didn't know that about you, but you're so strong or I love hearing your voice there, or I get it now, or you spoke what I was feeling and I didn't know how to say it. So, you know, that's really is my plan when it comes to strong witness and how to use it to the idea of storytelling and the idea of connection. And I think also too, when it comes to so many disagreements, especially in the climate of 2020, where we're at in this moment, when we're looking at the divide racially politically, you know, there's so many divisions, so much division, or it can also help.
LaToya Smith:
Now there's a lot, there's a lot of help. We need a lot of things, but story can also help the bridge some gaps, right? Because sometimes we have no idea where that person is coming from, because we're looking at the, you know our own judgment and our own biases. But if we learned to set some things aside and learn to listen and connect through hearing somebody's story and their experience, I think that could help to tear down walls or to mend a division. Like I said, it's not the only thing, but I think it's a big part of it that we need to start including.
Gordon Brewer:
Right, right. Yeah. Because I think, yeah, as you know, I'm not telling you anything you don't know. I think when we're willing to hear other people's pain and, and other people's hurts we, we realize that there are no different than all of us hurt and have pain points and, you know, and some people have experienced greater degree degrees of pain and hurt in their lives, but that's also what disparages the anger because anger, at least in my mind is a superficial emotion. It's, what's on the surface. Right. But underneath that is fear and hurt. Right. So I think by being able to give people a platform to tell their story, to tell truth to, to the injustice they've gone through the two, all of those things, that's what that's where healing begins.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And I wish I had it pulled up because I'm James Baldwin, Baldwin has a really good quote to what you just said. And if I can find it, I would love to share it. But the idea, I agree what you're saying, you know, sometimes we can get so heated and so caught up and being right and so angry. And sometimes even though it is like that secondary emotion superficial, it can seem so valid in that moment. But underneath that, there's some similarities, but, but unfortunately we, we don't allow ourselves to get there.
Gordon Brewer:
Right. Yeah. Yeah. So what, what has really been this is maybe a little bit of a shift, but I know we had said, we do want to talk about this with all that is going on with black lives matter, the movement that you know, started, you know, a couple of years ago really, but it's really been, you know, under the microscope here lately, what is, what is resonating for you as a person of color right now?
LaToya Smith:
I think the idea of it's it's with the understanding, it's hard to heal. It's like, it's always something I remember when I was younger, but I always, always hear my mom say that, you know, it's like a sign. It's always something. I still hear her say that. And that's what it feels like. It's, it's always something, when I'm 2020, it's been devastating alone. We're not even talking about the pandemic, but from, from Kobe Bryant passing, you know, that no, that had nothing to do with like a racial division, but then, but then we move on and all of a sudden we hear Marbury, but that was months after that incident occurred. Okay. And then we hear a little bit about Brianna Taylor, but we were like, what happened? And then all, and then comes George Florida. And that was used now a protest happened.
LaToya Smith:
And then recently Blake happened, right. You know, he's murder in Wisconsin and it's just, it's like, you can't stop to catch your breath. And in the Fort worth area, you know Tatiana Jefferson was, was murdered by police back in the fall. And it's just like, and it's so heavy therapists are not professional or not, you know, educated, trained or not. It's just, it's so heavy to the point where you only want to see another video. I think I saw something on social media, like here's the video police, something in California. It's like, I can't watch the video. I'll read the story when I'm, you know, when I'm, when I'm in good space that I can receive that information. But it's so hard. I wish, you know, people who weren't black, especially could understand just the heavy weight that's carried. And a lot of times you have to hear acquaintances, you know, friends or peers who aren't black, you know, drop their hot takes on all of a sudden they're the judge and the jury, you know what I mean, evidence and I conclude, you know, guilt.
LaToya Smith:
And it's like, no, you know, you're looking at this glimpse here, but imagine this weight carried the systemic racism carried for years. Right. And then, you know what I had, I saw somebody, an old friend from middle school and high school. We were engaged on social media last week. And he was bothered by the NBA players. I'm boycotting. Oh, they're jumping to conclusions. If you look at the facts here, like, no, no, no, you have to understand. They are tired. Blake is the last name at that point. It was the last night we heard, but this is years that they're there protesting. You're looking at a single video in seconds. We're not, we're not rolling it down to that. And so helping people to understand that it's just, it's a heavy weight, it's a lack of process. And it's like, we would say to any client, you can't, if you're still being traumatized, it's going to be hard to heal. So even for, and I've seen some posts out there too, like, you know, even black therapist retired, you know, so, you know, cause it's a hard seat. Like, you know, you're supporting, you're supporting your clients, but then also having to take care of your own mental health as well. It's it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot and it's nothing, unfortunately it's not.
Gordon Brewer:
Right. Right. Yeah. It's yeah. And so, you know, I think our tendency is we want to jump in there and help, but I think sometimes, you know, I think we have to give voice, you know, I mean, you got to that those of us that are, that are white that have grown up with the privilege that unfortunately a lot of us have been unaware. I mean, it wasn't until I was maybe in grad school that I really became aware of, you know, something that was there that are just was oblivious to. And so just becoming aware and then also being able to call people out when they are also unaware of being able to say, say that, you know, speak true to those things. So yeah. So yeah. So thanks. Thanks. Thanks for sharing that because and again, I think it's all about vulnerability as well, being willing to hear vulnerability. So yeah.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. And I'm glad you said that too. And I think I love the people who are not black or, you know, be able to empathize and inform be it to be truly genuine. I had another good friend and she mentioned she grew up in San Diego and she said, yeah, I grew up around diversity, but I had no idea about my privilege until this summer. And then, you know, her to wrestle with that, her willingness to face her own privilege and the things that she said in her past that just she realized now just are not appropriate. You know? I'm, I'm appreciative of the friends I've had that, that can reach out and not ask me, you know, but just really, you know, at certain times, hold space, you know, with me and just, just, just chat and willing to do their own work and willing to stand up at their dinner tables or amongst their communities and say, okay, this isn't correct. Or we need to look at this differently. I mean, that's what true ally is. And we see things now, like it's not enough to be to say, Oh, I'm not racist, but no, be anti-racist like do something to prove it don't just point it out. Like, yeah, that that's not good. Like, you know, put some action behind that. Right. Start certain conversations or begin to challenge certain systems, especially ones that you know, that you can have influence upon.
Gordon Brewer:
Yes. Yes. So, yeah. So what are you, what are you feeling hopeful about
LaToya Smith:
In regards to race or just in general? Yeah. Okay. We can paint with a broad brush. I think in regards to race, I have been a part of, a lot of good, a few peaceful protests. I mean, I don't wanna make it seem like I thought that every time they did it. So a few peaceful protest that I went to, there was a lot of good ones happening in Fort worth, but I know I went out and I see change happening, you know, I'd see people and I see the diversity within those protests. I see more therapist, again, people that therapists who aren't people of color, being willing to address these issues and have these conversations. And I have a lot of hope there. I have hope that people are understanding the power of a boat and wanting to go out and actually move and let their voice be heard.
LaToya Smith:
Again, that's all storytelling, you know, like there's a reason why you want to go go, why is that? That's the story behind it? And while you're out there protesting, what's the, what's the story behind it. And beginning to I've been a part of a couple of events where therapists were around. I was asked to speak at an event where the therapist went out and, and educated protesters on mental health, which was extremely important because of what they endure, because when you're walking out there, when you're really out there all the time, you don't, you don't get all the love back, you get some words back and you know, it can get out of control. So I like that, that, that gives me, that gives me hope that puts a smile on my face and that lets me know that it's there's work to be done. There are people actually doing it.
Gordon Brewer:
Right. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. So one of the, one of the things that we had you said you had started your you're working on doing some consulting and starting to delve into that. Tell us, tell us about that.
LaToya Smith:
Sure. Most recently I have become a consultant with the practice of the practice which you'll say an XO over there. What I'm doing is I'm going to be helping therapists, private practice owners incorporate storytelling into their presentations, into their social media videos. What have you, again, I already mentioned there's power in story, but now I want to help other therapists, business owners be able to boost confidence in how they present and speak and be able to build and really reach their audience through stories. So we do have a webinar coming up within the next weeks on Tuesday, September the eighth. Which I guess, but it's coming up. Yeah. Yeah.
Gordon Brewer:
So I think this episode might come out after that.
LaToya Smith:
That's okay. That's okay. But either way I'll be doing consulting there in the practice. Yeah. So I'm really excited about that.
Gordon Brewer:
Yeah. That's great. That's great. So, yeah. So if somebody is thinking about integrating story. Yeah. I think a lot of things come to mind when we think about story I was gonna mention, this is just a little side note and this is an invitation to you. Latoya is as here in East, Tennessee in Jonesborough, Tennessee. It's not happening this year, but every year they had the international story, terrible tellers festival. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so it's just people literally from all over the world that come in and just talk about telling stories and year lots of great, lots of great stories talking about their lives and that sort of thing. But yeah. So as you think about integrating story with the messages you give out, tell me, tell me what comes to mind for you and what, what is it that that's about?
LaToya Smith:
Yeah, I think especially when it comes to building a practice or building up a therapist, you want to tell stories that get people drawn to you. You know, I say a lot that stories build connection. And if you're standing in front of potential clients, you want to say something, that's going to get them. That's going to resonate with them and get them to take some action. So I'm not saying you go up there and you spill your life out. Like the most intimate secrets ever. That's don't do that as probably. And another thing, you know, when I was younger too, my dad used to say, Oh, he's telling the story. In other words, that person was lying. So don't lie about it. Keep these stories a hundred percent factual, but, but also allow yourself to be seen in that moment, allow people to see who you are.
LaToya Smith:
They can connect to what you're saying better when they can see you. But you know, when we present and we get behind slides that have a thousand words on each slide, when we're constantly spinning off statistics, statistics, and facts, we're not able to see you because now we're trying to keep up with what you're saying. So allow yourself to be seen in a sense, like, listen, be your authentic self, allow your voice to be heard. And just share. Yes. And I think people are not, I think I know people are drawn to that and they'll want to the want to pick up the phone and call you they'll want to know how they can follow. You also want to know how they can engage.
Gordon Brewer:
Right. Right. Yeah. Well, I think, yeah, I think you're exactly right in, in, you know, in many ways, those of us in, in this field one of the big things that just kind of intimidates, I think people so much is it's just the idea of marketing, but really learn, like you saying, is learning to tell the story is how you connect with people. But also it doesn't, we do naturally, and that is build relationship. I hear a story and I can connect with the main character, that story or whatever. That that's, that's what draws people in.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. And that that's it right there draws people in and people want to know like, if, if you can tie in that, struggle with the emotion and get them connected in that moment. Again, we're not making anything up, but let them know your, your pain point or your struggle. Like, yeah. I could have went in deeper about starting a business on unemployment rate. Like when it's hard and you open your door and you want people to come running in, like, I want counseling, I want counseling. Nobody did that. You know, but then having to rev up and then to reach a space where like, well, I didn't think I'd be here. If you told me those tears that I cried would equate this. I wouldn't have believed you, you know? So having people here that stroke cause people, like we said, a minute ago, they can connect with that emotion. They can connect like any movie. That's what ties in. We want to watch more. It's like, we're, we're rooting, you know what I mean, for the main character, you know? Or we hate this one person, you know, that's how, you know, they did a good job acting and that helps to pull people in and get them connected. Now, imagine that, painting that picture and then taking that away and then doing a slide with a bunch of bullet points and words like you lose people, you can draw them in.
Gordon Brewer:
Right. Right. Yeah. So, well, well, Tanya, I want to be respectful of your time and I wish, I wish we could. I wish we could just spend time, sit down and break bread and have a coffee and all that kind of stuff would be so much fun. But tell folks a little bit more about how they can get in touch with you and maybe some, some parting thoughts of what you feel is important for people to hear in terms of story. Yeah,
LaToya Smith:
Sure. It went in regards to the story. I would just encourage people to use their authentic voice. Don't try to be anybody else. Don't try to present, like anybody else tell the stories that you're comfortable with. And the more you tell them, the more confident that you'll get, remember stories, build connections. So find those stories that you want to share and use your authentic voice in doing so I would definitely in regards to like racial justice and the climate that's going on you know, again, share stories and give your experience at sometimes, you know, we're all guilty of it. I've been guilty of it too. We want to drive a point so hard. We just want to shoot. We just want to spit out facts and this is how I feel and that's it. And you should understand. But sometimes when we can put a story to that to help somebody else, you know, understand this is what's going on from, this is why I felt this way. This is why I feel tired and overwhelmed. That could be a better connector. And then for people that can always find me again, the name of the practice is LCS counseling and consultant agency. I'm in Fort worth, Texas. You can find me on social media. Instagram is LLCs underscore counseling, and Facebook is LCS counseling and consulting agencies. So yeah, we'd love for you to go look connect if you have any questions, just connect me on there. Yeah, that's great. And
Gordon Brewer:
We'll have all that in the show notes and show summary for people to connect and get to it easily. So yeah. So yeah, there was something else you said that just reminded me. And it's just a, when in regards to story, I think one of the things about it that is so powerful and we say, I know this, this is true. Just in my work with couples and is when, when people can, can share their inner world and it be treated with kindness and compassion, that again is where healthy relationships come from as to be able to do that, to put that, put those, put those things out there. And the other other thing I was reminded of is there's a quote that I love. It was by a guy, a guy by the name of Howard Wolfelt's and he's a GRA a grief specialist, Dan autologist, whatever does grief work. And he talked about grief, shared equals grief diminished. And so I think you can take that, work, that word grief, and substitute any negative emotion in there and say that shared equals that diminished. And so yeah, so I love, I love what you're, I love the message you're putting out there Latoya, and I love what you're doing and, and just thanks for being on here and being vulnerable and sharing part of your life with us.
LaToya Smith:
Yeah. Thank you for having me I'm I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the conversation
Gordon Brewer:
You can, and I'm sure we'll have I'm sure we'll do it again. Okay. All right. Take care.