Most of us know the feeling. You pick up your phone to check one thing, and suddenly, twenty minutes have disappeared. For many people, this has become a daily pattern, and it is starting to show up more and more in therapy sessions.
In this episode, I sit down with Eli Singer to talk about digital overwhelm and the complicated relationship many of us have with our phones and devices. Eli has spent years working in the digital world, including building one of the early social media agencies in North America. After stepping away from that work, he began focusing on helping people develop healthier relationships with technology.
We talk about why so many people feel stuck when it comes to changing their phone habits, and why the issue often has less to do with willpower and more to do with confidence. Eli also shares his Offline Now Matrix, a simple framework that helps people understand where they are in their relationship with technology and what kind of support they might need to make a change.
We also get into how these issues show up in therapy, the difference between habit and deeper emotional drivers behind phone use, and why digital overwhelm is becoming an important area for therapists and coaches to pay attention to.
If you have clients who struggle with screen time, digital burnout, or feeling constantly tethered to their devices, this conversation will give you a helpful way to start thinking about it.
Meet Eli Singer 
Eli Singer is a Toronto-based founder, coach, and author focused on digital well-being. After years in digital marketing, he built Offline.now to help people and families reduce digital overwhelm without detox extremes. His work centers on a shame-free framework called the Offline.now Matrix and a directory of digital wellness professionals.
Why Digital Overwhelm Is Showing Up Everywhere
It is getting harder to ignore how often conversations about phones, screen time, and digital habits are showing up in therapy. What used to feel like a side issue is now front and center for many clients. From disrupted sleep to relationship tension to constant distraction, the impact is real and growing.
Eli Singer brings a unique perspective to this conversation. After building one of the early social media agencies in North America, he stepped away from that world and began focusing on something very different. Instead of helping people spend more time online, he is helping them build a healthier relationship with their devices.
What makes this conversation especially helpful is how practical and non-judgmental his approach is. This is not about eliminating technology or going off the grid. It is about understanding what is actually happening beneath the surface.
The Gap Between Awareness and Change
One of the most striking ideas Eli shares is the gap between how people feel about their phone use and their ability to change it.
A relatively small percentage of adults meet the clinical criteria for digital addiction. But far more people believe they have a problem. Many feel stuck, frustrated, or overwhelmed, even if they cannot fully explain why.
This is where his framework begins to shift the conversation. Instead of focusing on willpower, he focuses on confidence.
People often know what they want to change. They just do not believe they can actually follow through when it matters.
Why Phone Habits Are Not About Willpower
It is easy to assume that excessive phone use is simply a discipline issue. Try harder. Be more intentional. Set better limits.
But that framing often leads to more frustration.
Eli reframes the issue by asking a different question. How confident are you that you can change this behavior in the moment when it counts?
That shift matters. Because when someone has high motivation but low confidence, they are far more likely to feel overwhelmed. They want to change, but they do not trust themselves to do it.
And that is where support, not pressure, becomes essential.
The Offline Now Matrix
To help people better understand where they are, Eli developed a simple but powerful framework called the Offline Now Matrix.
It is based on two questions. How motivated are you to change your phone use? And how confident are you that you can?
From there, people fall into one of four categories. Overwhelmed, stuck, ready, or unconcerned.
What this does is give people language. Instead of saying “I just need to be better,” they can say, “I feel stuck,” or “I feel overwhelmed.”
That alone can be a huge relief. Naming the experience creates clarity. And clarity creates a starting point.
When It Is a Habit and When It Is Something Deeper
Not all phone use is created equal.
Sometimes it really is just a habit. A way to pass the time. A default behavior when there is a gap in the day.
But sometimes it points to something deeper.
Scrolling late at night might be about avoidance. Staying on your phone during family time might be about relationship stress. Endless social media use might be tied to self-esteem or comparison.
This is where the work intersects directly with therapy. Because the phone is not always the problem. It is often the symptom.
And when that is the case, reducing screen time alone will not resolve what is underneath.
A Shame-Free Approach That Actually Works
One of the most refreshing parts of Eli’s approach is the emphasis on being shame-free.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution. No rigid rules. No pressure to follow extreme digital detox plans.
Instead, it is about meeting people where they are.
Someone might need their phone near them at night because they are caring for a parent.
Telling them to remove it completely is not helpful. But finding a creative solution that reduces temptation while still meeting their needs can be.
That balance is where real change happens.
Why This Matters for Therapists
For therapists, this is becoming an increasingly important area to understand.
You do not need to be a specialist in digital addiction to help clients with these issues. If clients are bringing up their phones, their sleep, their relationships, or their overwhelm, you are already in this work.
The Offline Now Matrix offers a simple way to open that conversation. Two questions can quickly reveal whether someone feels stuck, overwhelmed, or ready for change.
From there, you can integrate it into the work you are already doing.
It becomes less about adding something new and more about deepening what is already there.
The Challenge of Growing a Practice in a Digital World
This conversation also touches on something many therapists are feeling right now. The challenge of building and growing a practice in an increasingly complex digital landscape.
Marketing has changed. Social media takes time. Search is evolving. And not everyone wants to spend hours online just to stay visible.
Eli is working to address that through his platform, Offline Now, which aims to connect people seeking help with therapists and coaches who can support them.
It is another reminder that while digital overwhelm is a problem, it is also creating new opportunities for connection and growth.
Meeting Clients Where They Are
At the end of the day, this conversation comes back to something simple but important.
People are not just looking for strategies. They are looking for understanding.
They want to feel seen in their struggle with technology, not judged for it. They want practical ways to make change that actually fit their lives.
And they want support.
As this continues to show up more in private practice, having a framework and a language for these conversations can make a real difference. Not just in helping clients change their habits, but in helping them understand themselves a little better in the process.
Gordon Brewer: Well, hello everyone and welcome again to the podcast and I'm really looking forward to you hearing from Eli Singer. Welcome, Eli.
Eli Singer: Hey, thanks for having me. Great to be here.
Gordon Brewer: Yes, and Eli, his, uh, book that he's written and he's gonna talk more about that, but also his, uh, his company is called Offline now. And so we're gonna talk a little bit about digital overwhelm and all of the things around that. And, um. How it applies to what we do. So, Eli, as I start with everyone, tell folks a little more about yourself and how you've landed where you've landed.
Eli Singer: Sure. So I live in Toronto, Canada. I'm, I'm pushing 50. Hard to believe. Early in my career, I built one of North America's first social media agencies. The focus was really on kind of building community, because that's what the web was all about, you know, bringing people together. And I built the blogs for the Museum of Modern Art.
I, and then large brands. We grew to about 30 people exited. And I always had, uh. A loving and uncomfortable relationship with technology. We, after we sold the agency, we bought a 40 foot trailer and, uh, lived off grid for a bit in the summers, you know? Mm-hmm. And I just really kind of had a reaction to my relationship with the web.
I moved into a DHD coaching, uh, supporting people with, uh, you know, leaders in the digital space, and always was a strong advocate for building healthier relationships with screens. It's just always been important to me. I don't really use social media myself. I never have. I didn't really like the way it made me feel and, and I was.
Looking to build a practice around this and, and I developed a methodology, a motivation, confidence methodology called the offline now matrix. And I felt it was better served given just how much need there was out there, turning that into a book and a methodology for others to use. Uh, but also just seeing some of the challenges that, uh, independent therapists, social workers coaches are experiencing these days, developing business.
I also put on my digital strategy hat and. I building a platform to help. Independent practitioners grow their practice. So it's sort of a helping individuals and helping practitioners running up the middle. I'm building offline now outta the University of Toronto. I'm in their, uh, entrepreneurialship stream and affiliated with the medical school accelerator.
And the, uh, continuing education accelerator, which is where applied psychology lives. So, oh, and I'm also now the, uh, Canadian Ambassador for the Global Day of Unplugging, which I'm excited to talk
Gordon Brewer: about. Okay, that's great. That's great. It's interesting how there's been so much, um, press seems here lately.
In fact, I was watching a, a segment on the news last night about several different apps that they, that have been developed for teens at different levels to get them offline more. And so it's a, it's a really, I think, uh, e everybody most everybody concurs is that there, there's almost a, an addiction to it to some degree.
And I know I spend way too much time on, on my device and that sort of thing, and so. Yeah, I'm, so, I'm curious, what have you learned so far about that and how it, how it's affecting all of us?
Eli Singer: Sure. I just wanna, uh, put in there, I know you mentioned the word addiction, so I'm not clinical, I'm a coach. Mm-hmm.
Um, and I typically focus on populations over 18, although my work is certainly applicable to younger, younger individuals. Sure, sure. Um, I mean, what's interesting is that. Digital addiction or internet addiction is relatively new. Not there's a lot of fighting over how it's defined. Areas of problem technology use and digital dependence is more where I focus.
Mm-hmm. But if you look at the data in the us, 7% of adults are clinically have a, have a digital addiction issue. But 50% of adults will say that they believe they have a phone addiction. Mm-hmm. And so you can see how people are self-reporting that. Things just aren't right. Mm-hmm. Uh, and we have a quick motivation, confidence, two question assessment that we have on the site, which drops you into one of four types, overwhelmed, ready, unconcerned, and stuck.
And we're finding 50% of people self-identify as overwhelmed. So they have high motivation. I wanna make a change. And just low self-confidence. I just don't believe I can do it when I want to, so mm-hmm. That's where we're spending our time focusing on really trying to change the conversation that, uh, your phone habits are about confidence.
Not about willpower.
Gordon Brewer: Right. I love that. Reframe on that.
Eli Singer: Mm-hmm.
Gordon Brewer: It's, um, yeah. So tell us about the different pillars and the things that you've, that you've kind of put together as a way of conceptualizing all of this.
Eli Singer: So there really isn't a language that people have around how I'm feeling about my relationship with my device.
And so when it comes time to change that relationship, it's hard to even know where to start, right? If you think about going to the gym or quitting smoking, like if you go to the gym and you say, I want to be healthy. I haven't gone before. I'm gonna go every day for five hours and lift and run and do whatever you're, you're likely gonna hurt yourself and never go back.
And so when it comes to behavior change, it's crucial that you start in the right place. And so what we do is we ask people two simple questions like, how motivated are you to use your phone less or use it less before bed, or stop gaming or online dating as much, or online shopping or watching porn, what have you, on a scale of one to six.
And then how confident are you in your ability to do that in the moment when you want to one to six. Mm-hmm. And it, and it creates a, uh, two by two lows and highs in each one of those areas. And so, each one of those four types then ready, stuck, unconcerned, and, um, overwhelmed aims to a, give people the ability to name where they're at, which is.
Very comforting for people. Oh, I'm overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. I can name that. Oh, I'm stuck. Okay. Well, let's talk about what it means to be stuck and how you get unstuck. So it sort of like unlocks a bit of a vocabulary and unlocks a starting place for the conversation. And, um, the approach is also very much meeting people where they're at without shame, without judgment, and realizing that.
The change that they wanna make is, is just really personal to them. Everyone's got different context and life circumstances and let's meet you where you're at without rules. Mm-hmm. Um, and without imposing kind of external you know, mandates and we're finding people respond really well to that.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's, um, yeah. The word overwhelm is always, I think when it, uh, when I think about all the digital things that I do I think about, uh, email, inbox,
Eli Singer: mm-hmm.
Gordon Brewer: Can be overwhelming, all of those things. And I think you're what you bring up is, I think. A good place to start for anybody with anything.
And that's okay. What is it that you want to change? Why, you know, why do you want to change any of it? Mm-hmm. To begin with kind of thing.
Eli Singer: Mm-hmm.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah,
Eli Singer: absolutely. That's, um, you, that's especially important with your phone or a device or a screen because. You would like it's best to start with a particular behavior or outcome that you want to get to.
And then you can start identifying either the times of day or the behavior patterns that you wanna start to circumvent or, or shift. And then also when you do start developing more time. 'cause you're using your device less. It's important that you fill that time with something so that you don't revert back to your old patterns.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm.
Eli Singer: Um, and also, you know, it can be very specific in people's lives. Like I speak to people that feel really terrible because they're ha, they're devices really impacting their sleep. Everyone's telling them they shouldn't have it in their room, their bedroom, when they go to bed. But they're also a caregiver for a parent that could call at two in the morning and need some help.
Mm-hmm. Right. And so in their life, reading a news article about keep your phone under your bedroom is the most important thing you could do is not helpful. Right?
Gordon Brewer: Yeah.
Eli Singer: Um, in fact, it just. Tell someone that their life circumstance means there's just no way out.
Gordon Brewer: Right?
Eli Singer: And you know, I was speaking with someone about that the other day who had been locked in that for months.
And I said what about getting a Bluetooth handset that even looks like an old school dial up phone, and you can just put that by your bed and it'll be connected to your phone and it'll ring if someone calls and you can pick up the phone and answer it. But it isn't gonna be a crutch if you wake up at two in the morning where you can read your email or check this feed, or check that feed.
It's not gonna ask that of you. It only does one thing. Right. And we're talking about a medical professional here that works in the addiction space, right? And is on television, talking to families and parents. And that was an opportunity that, or an insight that she just did not. See or think was possible.
Mm-hmm.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm.
Eli Singer: So it just shows you that there are practical, real solutions available out there right now. You just have to kind of change your mindset a bit and find them.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah, that's a, that's, um, that is such a, a cool thing I know in just working with clients of my own and my therapy practice I think a reframe of how we see something.
Goes a long way of how we define it for ourselves. You know, there's nothing, uh, you know, if you think about it, spending hours scrolling on your phone, that in and of itself is innocuous. But how it makes us feel that's where the problem is. That's where the where the.
We have to really kind of examine ourselves.
Eli Singer: Yeah. And so this is where, so this is where it starts to get very complicated.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm.
Eli Singer: Is that sometimes one's phone use is just a way to fill time, a habit, you know. Wanna do more or less of it, what have you. But sometimes it's the symptom of a deeper issue, right?
Right. I'm, am I on the toilet for an hour while my family's having dinner because I can't put my phone down or because I don't wanna be with my family. Am I on the couch with my partner surfing my phone, not talking to them because I'm addicted to my phone or because I'm having challenges in my relationship right now.
Gordon Brewer: Right, right.
Eli Singer: And we're seeing so, so at that point. You have an individual that could likely benefit from some clinical or coaching support.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm.
Eli Singer: Right. Sometimes it's executive coaching, uh, executive function coaching around I need a new bedtime routine because I have a DH ADHD and I have to really like, deal with that.
But sometimes it's, uh, emotional. Support that require, that's required from, uh, a special, a licensed specialist. And so, like people who have been on Instagram for years might have body image issues that need to be tackled. Mm-hmm. And mm-hmm. So what we're trying to do at offline now is use the book and the methodology and the website of resources as a.
Uh, shame-free, easy, you know, short attention span, entry point to just allow people to start thinking about this for themselves. They wanna make a change. Let's give them a roadmap. But then let's instantly connect them with. Hundreds and hundreds of licensed professionals and coaches who have very deep expertise in areas like LinkedIn, fomo, online dating, rejection, relationship, stress, grief and loss, all related to digital behaviors.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm.
Eli Singer: Uh, so that they can book a 15 minute conversation and get that human empathy around the change, because expecting somebody to do this on their own after. You know, using their phone unchecked for 10, 15 years, it's just an unrealistic expectation.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. And that's a, that's a very good point of, I think any, anytime we wanna make some change, I think finding support for that is gonna, is huge.
And you know, I think it's, uh, I know one of the, one of the things that you talk about is feeling stuck, but, um. Yeah. You wanna maybe give us an overview of the methodology on of offline now and just kind of Yeah. So what that's about? About,
Eli Singer: yeah. Like I said, it's a, it's a two by two matrix of motivation and confidence.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm.
Eli Singer: And so, you know, I mean, you, we, we invite people to answer those two questions on a scale of one to six, and then. High and low drops them into one of those four types. Uh, and so one of the things we're using with this methodology is training in like therapists and professionals that.
Enter into a conversation with an individual, perhaps even like a initial consult, to see if they're a client and there's a fit conversation. If that individual repeatedly brings up their phone, it's easy for that individ, for the, for the coach or the therapist to say. Do you mind if I ask you just, you keep on mentioning your phone in bedtime.
Do you mind if I ask you two quick questions? Sure. On a scale of one to six, how motivated are you to like. Put your phone down before bed three. Not very motivated. Okay. And, and how confident are you that you can put it down when you want? Two? I'm not confident at all. Okay. So that means you're stuck.
Do you feel stuck? Does it sound like you're stuck? And then you hear them out? So it's a way to instantly build some emotional connection, start to uncover some insights. Here's how I generally approach. People who are feeling stuck. Now my methodology will begin to talk about different ways that you can build motivation and build confidence for someone who's stuck.
You know, you, you can either on the motivation side, think about what was a time when you didn't feel stuck and how did that feel and do you wanna get back there or, um. What are some things that you'd really love to be doing right now instead of being on your phone? What would that feel like to know how to play guitar or be out playing baseball with your kid?
Okay, so let's create some motivation. So there's strategies there, but I'm not dogmatic about it, right? You know, if, if someone is a, um, an addictions counselor or a marriage counselor or a, a DHD coach, they're gonna have their own methodologies. Once they've opened the door, they should just.
Continue to leverage what works for them. Mm-hmm. 'cause the trick is just to be a very powerful door opener, just for the individual who needs the support, but also for that professional who's looking to grow a client base.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. You mentioned, um, I know we, we talked about this to maybe to shift gears a little bit, is just thinking about the platform that you're creating for therapists mm-hmm.
As far as helping them with their marketing and finding clients, because that is a, you know, talking about a feeling stuck and, uh, maybe a overwhelmed place is when, uh, particularly, uh, a therapist is not feeling like they're getting the. Caseload and the client load that they feel like they need. Um,
Eli Singer: yeah, it's a tough, it's tough out there, right?
I mean, I've watched digital marketing change over the last 20 years and it hasn't changed to the benefit of the individual, right? Mm-hmm. Advertising is expensive. Social media is incredibly, um. Time intensive, large language models are disrupting all search. And so if an individual doesn't wanna be very public, doesn't want to invest hours online you know, doesn't want to be a software developer, they really, it can be pretty stuck, right?
Mm-hmm. And. So what we're looking to do is build a directory that's very focused in this niche. We're well on our way, we're inviting people to create a free profile on a site, doesn't cost you anything and it'll drive lots of link insight back to your own website. So build your own value with large language models and AI and, and um, Google just being there.
And then we're inviting people to also contribute to the site. So blog, what that does, and in their blog posts, they have the ability to link back to their own sites and, um, you know, that connection between a very solid optimized profile paired with published content against their name, pointing back to their URL and booking link and various other platforms.
Mm-hmm. Does a lot. For their discoverability, especially the more people on the platform, the more the better it will operate. Um, and we're also inviting members of the community to contribute to the book. Yeah. So I'm really looking to build a community platform and, um, I would really love to invite you and your listeners and your community to participate.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how do folks I'm assuming they just go to offline now.com.
Eli Singer: Yeah, offline.now/join will take you right to the join page. You're just popping your email and you go, we go through a quick builder and we'll have your profile out to you in 48 hours. And if there's anything that you want tweaked or changed or like we've had.
We now have occupational therapists, dieticians, recreational therapists, grief mm-hmm. Counselors. So as new people join, we're adding new clinical areas to the site, which is fantastic.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah. That's great. And so it, I'm assuming too, that, um, part of it is, um, the people that would be coming maybe in search of therapists are maybe struggling with, um.
Things around their internet use and their screen time and that sort of thing.
Eli Singer: People are talking to AIS and Google all the time looking for support and so we're working really hard to be there. Um, that's why we're inviting people to help us generate content so that. You know, we have, we have Jeff, who's an amazing A DHD coach, um, in San Diego.
I mean, he's like publishing a ton with us. We've got mm-hmm. All kinds of people putting together all kinds of interesting things from their own lenses and angles, um mm-hmm. Because this problem is so enormous and it needs to be solved by the wisdom of the crowd,
Gordon Brewer: right.
Eli Singer: It's sort of an empathy at scale.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like the way you put that empathy at scale that, not quite heard that before, but that's great. That's great. So, um, Eli, what are, I know we've gotta be mindful of our time here, but, uh, what are some parting thoughts that you have for folks?
Eli Singer: And if we're talking to therapists then I would say that this is a massive growing area.
You do not need to be a screen addiction specialist to work in it. I hear all the time from professionals that, are you sure I should be on your site? Like I, I don't have specific screen addiction training. I'm like, do you talk to your clients about their devices at all? All the time. That's all they ever want to talk about.
Their kids, their parents, their boyfriends, or this or that. I'm like, mm-hmm. And do you help them? Yes. Okay. So then you can help people list on our site. Like, and let's, let's make something happen. Like I, I firmly believe, uh, that. People out there are look like our data shows that people are looking for support, they're motivated, they're just not confident, and they need human empathy to help bridge that gap.
And so invite your community to participate.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. That's great. That's great. And we'll have links in the show notes in the show summary for people to, to get to you easily, Eli, and I'm so glad we had this conversation. I think it's gonna be helpful for people.
Eli Singer: Likewise. Thanks for having me. It's great to meet you, Gordon.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah, it is good to be. Good to have you here.
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