The Practice of Therapy

Derrick Boger
Gordon Brewer: Well, hello everyone and welcome again to the podcast and I'm real excited for you to get to know Derek Boger. And Derek met Derek recently back in October of 2025, depending on when you're listening to this at the Wise Practice Conference, and I was just so inspired by him. He was one of the keynote speakers, but Derek, welcome.
Thank you, Jordan.
Derrick Boger: It's a pleasure to be here. Absolutely. It's a pleasure to be here, ma'am. I'm super excited.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. So for, for folks that might not know you already as I start with everyone, tell folks a little bit more about yourself and how you've landed, where you've landed.
Derrick Boger: Yeah. Well first of all, I am a licensed clinical mental health counselor.
I founded a, a business, my private practice called Transformation Christian Counseling. I'm in Greensboro, North Carolina. Super excited about what I get to do. I'm one of those people who never felt like life was about me. It's never my for no more. It's a life of service. Grew up with parents as pastors and kind of in church my whole life, but I always wanted to serve people.
So from there, big in sports, won state championships, things like that. But went from there, eight years in the military, 10 years as a firefighter, and now over two decades of church leadership. But God kind of planned me over to just being able to walk. Alongside the pains of people in life and just serving them as a therapist.
Now, I love the work I get to do. I work with men, individual and married couples as well, helping them transform their lives inside out. That's where the transformation, Christian counseling name kind of comes from right there. Right. Honored to hear,
Gordon Brewer: right? Yes. Yes. Well, thank, thanks, Derek. And you know, maybe a place where we can start is tell, tell folks maybe a little more about how you got inspired to kind of the niche that you're in. I mean, working with men, obviously you're male and I think I know I've had a previous guest on the podcast that really we talked about how working with men is differently, is different. And I'm sure I, you know, it goes without saying With your military background and your first responder background you, you've seen a lot of stuff.
And so what, how was it that that maybe inspired you to, to kind of work with folks like that and kind of what, how, what's your approach?
Derrick Boger: Yeah, that's a great question. I think even just being a man in general definitely I'm in a, a female dominant field. When you think about therapists, majority of them are females.
So I, I am considered a unicorn in the field. I'm male. I'm African American. I'm a Christian, you put those three together again, that does stand out in its own way. And I love helping other men communicate and learn more about themselves. Men are generally shy when it comes to that Gord to just being able to talk and express themselves.
Mm-hmm. You know, we understand women a lot of times connect by talking. They converse. They share, they draw closer like that. Men, we're not so much Gordon, we tend to just, we connect by doing, you know, guys can go on a, a fishing trip and fish for four, eight hours straight. And not talk. Mm-hmm. They say two words.
Mm-hmm. And they come back home and they had the best day of their life with their best friend, but they didn't talk a lot. Women, they can sit, you know, and talk throughout the day, and that's kind of how they connect. So again, we're different. Mm-hmm. How we relate. So sometimes in the therapy room, what I realize is just being a safe place to actually let men learn to communicate.
What I've noticed, Gordon, is when they can open up with me personally, it's amazing how they can then go home and realize that now I'm tapping into my own emotions and I'm learning to communicate that even easier. So, yeah.
Gordon Brewer: Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it, it is interesting how you know I think as men we are much more and you kind of alluded to this action oriented.
In other words, we want to know what to do. Yep. Not necessarily how to feel or all that sort of thing. That's right. If there's a problem that presents itself, we wanna solve the problem and conquer the problem and and move on to, yeah. To to other things.
Derrick Boger: I heard a comedian go one time say that men and have a nothing box. They talk about how like there's actually this box with nothing in it and he talks about how like men, sometimes we will, a wife will look at us and say, Hey, what do you think about right now? And they're like nothing.
And obviously a woman says it is no way. You're not thinking about nothing. You're thinking about something like a struggle, a problem. Alright. And they're like, no, I'm not. Yeah. But there's parts of this where we do compartmentalize and we just say, we can turn this off. And still connect with our spouse.
We can still watch tv, we can have a storm going around us, but we do know how sometimes to compartmentalize and, and put that apart and still have a different feeling or emotion. You asked me earlier about my firefighting experience and how even it connected me and working with guys. That's one thing I learned definitely in the fire department for sure.
You would leave a traumatic call, something that was really life threatening, a hard situation. But on the way back to the firehouse. You would have to switch again 'cause the tones go off for a whole nother emergency. If you couldn't focus on I'm done with that one and go to the next, then you would have a hard time doing that.
And then I would walk home, get home to my house, sit in the garage and say a prayer before I walked in the house. 'cause I need to shake that off. To be present as a father and a husband to my family. So again, learning to put these pieces apart, but I get to teach that in the counseling room. I get to sit with men and talk about, hey, important emotions are IPO important and there's an emotional intelligence.
We all need to be effective men in our houses as well. So yeah.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's a, that's a an interesting thought there as you think about emotional intelligence and teaching that, what, what are some of the things, kind of your go-tos with that as far as helping people understand that, particularly men that maybe have never been around that or heard that language before?
Derrick Boger: It is great for you to even say that, you know, I hope wom women are even listening to this and they're getting it. There's a truth to when we don't trust, we don't talk. Here's the truth, Gordon, like when you think, I see you nodding your head and shaking. But here, here's the thing, like men will not open up when they don't feel they can be vulnerable.
And a lot of times men, they have this fear of like, I don't trust that if I speak where my heart is really feeling that it's gonna be received right? Maybe they're not trusting that the spouse will cheat on them, leave, do something they shouldn't do. It's simply, I don't trust what you'll do with the information.
If I share my heart, will you use it against me later? Will you take this and bring it up in another argument or disagreement? So sometimes we hold back because we're not sure that we can trust how it'll be used against us at another time in life. Mm-hmm. So there's this space of learning to be vulnerable, but trusting the space.
It is. So when women come to me and like, Derrick, how do I get my husband to talk? Or a man sits on the couch and he's telling me, Derrick, how do I talk more? It first has to be a vulnerable space. And they're saying, I don't know how to talk. I don't know. And I'm like, well, here's the thing, after three sessions with you're doing it with me.
Mm-hmm. And they're like, but you're different. Derrick. Like, I trust you. I say, interesting. Think about it, Gordon. Mm-hmm. They trust me. Mm-hmm. And they're learning to talk. So now as we begin to grasp that, now it's easy to do once there's safety. So now is it really?
Gordon Brewer: Absolutely.
Derrick Boger: Mm-hmm. So now is it really the trust or is it the safety of, once I trust the person, I can do it.
So now we start getting to the root of it. Okay. So there's lack of trust somewhere. Mm-hmm. So there's something that when you are, why, so tell me about that part. So then we dig a little deeper, we figure out where that distrust is coming with that spouse. Mm-hmm. What are you afraid of? If you were to share your heart with your spouse, what do you think would happen?
And you, you begin to get a little deeper from there. So much I could say to that Gordon, but yeah, that's true.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I totally agree. I mean, that's just been a, a theme. And I, I also work with couples and that's been a, a theme that I just see come up over and over again about being able to create a safe space for both people to be able to share their internal world.
And that's, to me is the definition of a healthy relationship is when two people can share their internal world and it, and it be safe.
Derrick Boger: Absolutely. 'cause what I do not increase, or, I mean encourage, is for a couple to be together. And I, I see people say like, listen, I've been married 50 years. My grandmama was married 60 years.
Well that's great, but they lived in two different bedrooms, like they weren't happy. Mm-hmm. It doesn't have to be a store like you could be married 20 years or 80 years. But are you enjoying your marriage? Like, don't just be in it and say, I never left her. Mm-hmm. Like, let's, let's work through it. Let's, let's learn the communication skills.
So I believe you should be able to be in a marriage where it's healthy and you can communicate your fears. Your insecurities, your trust, your doubts, your fears, and, and actually have that space to communicate and grow closer. So that's what I teach. I teach people how to learn. First of all, learn how to talk to me.
'cause once you can say, okay, it's, it's freeing, it's good to be able to do so, get this off my chest. Now how do we take your pride? How, how do we get that same space with her? Mm-hmm. And at Someti and some poor Gordon, I like to bring the spouse in once they're comfortable. And they, they usually come in and there's this space of like, well, I have noticed this difference in them since they've been coming to you.
Gordon Brewer: Mm-hmm. But now
Derrick Boger: I say, now let's talk about the space in which it is at home, and we'll get a little deeper into that. And from there, there's usually more unity that comes into it. It starts with learning how to talk with me. If they can learn to talk to me, Gordon, the problem is not always that they can't talk, it is, they don't feel safe.
So going back to the root of the question,
Gordon Brewer: right, right. So how would you say, and this is, I know some basics as far as therapy goes, but how do you build that safety with people, do you think?
Derrick Boger: Me personally, what you asking? Mm-hmm. Oh, great question. I, I could even ask you that, Gordon. Mm-hmm. You saw me, we got to meet at the conference, the summit, and it was great.
Mm-hmm. And I think there's a connectivity that I truly believe, here's the truth about me. I love people. Mm-hmm. Hands down, like, I don't know if you know me more than five minutes, you'll get that. There's some people watching this video right now or hearing the podcast. And they can feel my energy right now.
Mm-hmm. I love people that's undeniable. Mm-hmm. I, I may not know you, I may not, you know, I may not only be in the room for 10 minutes, but when I leave a person's presence, I like to believe this. Did I help them feel better or did I make their day worse? So my heart is truly to serve people and get the best outta them.
So if that becomes magnetic, 'cause here's the beauty, when someone walks in a room and they're not happy. They're depressed, they're sad. It is amazing how that energy can fall on you. Mm-hmm. Like, mm-hmm. Especially as men. You walk in a room, oh, dad's in a bad mood. Oh my goodness. This, you know, he's about to kick the dog.
Everything's bad, nothing's happy. Now people reserve back, they pull back in the house. But a smile is also contagious. When you bring good energy, it is as well. So here's the answer to your question, Gord. When a client comes in, that's felt, sometimes the connection and the safety is what I exude because I truly care about people.
Well, somebody's listening and they're like, well, how do you know if somebody cares? You can usually feel it,
Gordon Brewer: right?
Derrick Boger: You may not remember my name, you may not remember who I am, but you'll remember how I made you feel, and that'll never change. So when you're in my presence, can you feel. My heart, my care.
Mm-hmm. My mm-hmm. Empathy for you. And I think it goes back to just personality 1 0 1. Like if you truly care for people, it'll show. Right. So, yeah.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. So another, another thing too Derek, is, and you, I, I suspect you're aware of this, but the other thing too is, is that when I first listened to you speak, you also got very vulnerable with people.
Mm-hmm. You shared your internal world and some of your life's experiences and some of the things that you. Maybe struggled with or things that you failed at tho those kinds of things, because I believe your, your talk was on basically on imposter syndrome and us getting over that as therapists.
And I think when, when therapists can do, even though we're in a lot of our training, we're taught not to do this, but I think self-disclosure just builds. Credibility. It opens the door for people to say, oh, this person's not that much different than me. And so I, I, they're, they're, they feel safe.
Derrick Boger: Absolutely. Who, who doesn't wanna relate to somebody? Like there's a relatability, like, oh, they're, they're not sitting here as a perfect person who's never had a mistake they can relate to, you know, being flawed or having mistakes and mm-hmm. Those kind of things. So I'm big into church as well. I'm in church leadership, those kind of things.
But also like, so I'll see people who come in, they're kind of hurt, they're, they're mad at God, they're this and this, and instead of me preaching Jesus over their head, it is simply, I just wanna love on you. But I can remind people that, hey. I know what it feels like. Mm-hmm. I know what church hurt feels like.
I know what it feels like to be abandoned by God. I know what it feels like to lose a brother. That meant everything to me at the age of 27. Mm-hmm. Like I can relate to the pains, but then I say, but God, and then I point them to like, there is a way out of this. You don't have to stay there. Mm-hmm. But I think the connection that people need sometimes is just the heart of like understanding there's empathy.
That someone has the compassion for who I am and the mistakes I've made. Right. I've sat in rooms where people have told me they're pregnant and they're not happy about it, and they're like, I'm deciding these things and I can't tell my parents. And, you know, but it's like, hey. I make mistakes too, and thank God that my children are under one roof with my wife, but I made some mistakes when I was young.
And sometimes just hearing people relate to your story. It could have been me if it wasn't for the grace of God, but yet mm-hmm. There's still love, there's still hope, there's still direction, there's still these things ahead of you, so, but being able to be with people in the middle of their situations.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. More connection as well,
Gordon Brewer: right? Yeah. One, yeah, one of the. One of the things that Derek and I share in common is, is I'm also very, very, church was very much part of my life as well. Mm-hmm. Like, like Derek, I grew up as a PK preacher's kid. Yep. And so mm-hmm. You know, know that, know that world well.
But I think, you know, one of the, one of my mantras that relates to this, Derek, is just letting people know that they're not alone. And I think that's exactly, you know, not to get too far off on a on a, on a pulpit here, but I think that's exactly what Christ taught was, is that to let people know they're not alone and also that they're seen and that you're not invisible.
I mean, that was just over and over again. He would you know. Reach out to the people that were invisible in their society of that time. And so I think that that goes a long, long way in just, you know, building rapport and just heal, helping people with their healing. I.
Derrick Boger: Yeah, it's so true. And, and the thing we all are hurting.
And, and that's one thing about me Gordon, I'm not a, I don't walk into target with the Bible in my arms. Mm-hmm. Like, I don't, I don't walk in, I don't beat Jesus over the head with people. I just love people. 'cause that's what Christ would do. Mm-hmm. So part of that is do they feel God through me? Is there a better experience that they have with my faith?
It's something about that guy that I really like. What is it about him? Then I get to say, well, I'm so glad you asked. Mm-hmm. And I can encourage him and, and lead him to those things, but I like to walk with the mantra of what would Jesus do if he was here? Mm-hmm. You know, for those of faith, you know, we understand that Jesus is not walking this earth again.
I mean, he'll come back again one day, but he's not 33 years. He was here. This principle of like, we're the hands and feet of Jesus. Mm-hmm. So as we get to walk this earth and be a light to those around us, how are we taking that? And I don't take for granted one moment to be able to do that. So yeah, I, I really just love to do that.
But here we are as people, as we get back to it. Like we all have baggage. We all have issues. Absolutely. We have traumas, we all have things that we face in life, but there is a hope, there is a greater purpose behind it at all. Mm-hmm. And what an honor, Gordon, when we can sit with people and help them walk through it.
If I break my elbow right now, I go to a doctor who can heal my elbow. Mm-hmm. So. What about my mind? What about the mental capacity, where we are hurting and we're not getting over certain things? I believe I'm a gift of God that can sit here and maybe I'm trained and taught and led to be able to sit with you and help you through a mental state that you're going through.
Why is it we can take our car to be fixed, but not sit with the person to help us with our mind and our mental capacity. Mm-hmm. Right. The neck down, we work on it, we go exercise, we work out, but the neck up, that's what our specialty is. How can I help someone learn to walk out mm-hmm. What God's calling to do in their own lives.
So, yeah. Right,
Gordon Brewer: right. Yeah. Well, I think yeah. Yeah. And a big part of that is seeing, seeing, seeing a person for who they are. And recognize helping them recognize that they are also a child of God made in God's image and you know, regardless of thing, mistakes they've made, regardless of whatever's going on in their life there could be healing from all of that.
Derrick Boger: Yeah. Yeah. So true. It's a scripture that jumped out to me real quick. Hebrews 12, one, it says, let us strip off every weight that slows us down. Mm-hmm. Especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. What I mean by that is just letting things away.
Mm-hmm. Getting rid of the things that's holding us down. Mm-hmm. If, if Gordon is walking a mile with his wife later today, it's one thing if he just walks along. But if I put a book bag on you, Gordon, and I feel it up with rocks mm-hmm. And I say, no, take that same walk. You could do it, but it's a lot heavier.
It's a much harder walk when I could say, Hey, is is it heavy like that? Is it just this whole point of like how heavy it could be when you don't have to carry that weight if you give it away? So when we sit with clients, we get to give that space to say, Hey, don't carry all that along. Mm-hmm. Let's have some space to get rid of some of that where you can go off and be free.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's, that, that is absolute truth there. Regardless of what you might believe or whatever faith you might follow or not follow, mm-hmm. None of this we have to do alone. That's right. And that's, that's, that's again, that's where healing occurs. And had somebody mention to me the other day is that there is a difference between he healing and a cure.
I mean, a lot of us can be healed. Mm-hmm. But there's not always a cure. And so I think that's that was something that just kind of resonated for me. So yeah, I think that's.
Derrick Boger: I like that. I like that. Yeah.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Yeah. That's good. So, well, Derek, I know we could spend all day and hopefully one day we'll get to do that.
You know, just talking about these things, but what would you want people that are in, in our field and do what we do to know that would maybe help them feel better about what they're doing?
Derrick Boger: Hmm. I just wanna encourage people. It's such a field that's needed. If you're a therapist out there and you're wondering like, am my, is my calling, is it important work that I'm doing?
I simply want to say yes. I think about how we all eat food, Gordon, we all need to eat, and there's a restaurant on every single corner all over this planet. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But yet somebody doesn't say, well, there's already too many restaurants. So maybe you're listening, you're like, there's so many therapists.
I feel the same way. There's a lot of 'em. You can Google right now, therapists near me and just watch how many come up. Mm-hmm. But it's something about you specifically. Mm-hmm. So somebody's listening right now, Gordon, and they're saying, am I any different? What's special about me? There's already 20 other therapists in this city or this town.
There's a hundred more over here. I'm simply saying, what about your voice? I recognize that someone's listening to me right now and they're like, let me Google what Greensboro, North Carolina is 'cause I want Derrick. Right, because there's a voice that that people have that resonates with them specifically.
Mm-hmm. There's a lot of podcasts out there, but somebody's looking for Gordon's voice and there's something to be proud of when it comes to that. So if you're a therapist and you're questioning, is this for you? I just wanna encourage you, no matter what phase of stage you're in right now, stay focused and remember your purpose.
What's the why that you did it in the first place? Mm-hmm. Remember what I said early on? I simply love people. I want see people win that life. I want people to be all that God's called them to be. So whatever role I play in that. Let me do it and I wanna roll my sleeves up and be willing to do it for them, so, yeah.
Right.
Gordon Brewer: Yeah. Well, thanks Derek. So tell folks how they can get in touch with you if they want to connect with you more and that sort of thing.
Derrick Boger: Well, it sounds good. I love I appreciate this time together, Gordon, and just thank you for this space. My business called Transformation Christian Counseling.
So again, if you can look me up on my website, transformation cc.com, that's again transformation cc.com. You can find me there. And again, I have a marriage. Summit that's coming up just in a couple. It'll be in Valentine's Day coming up February 14th if you are in North Carolina. Oh my goodness. It's something you, you would want to attend and you'll be able to find that on our website as well.
That's something coming up. It's for couples and again, I like bringing men and women together. Coming together to talk about the love and just be transformed in that. So. Awesome. Yeah, that's where you can find me. You can Google me, Facebook, me, any of those things. I'm here. Yeah.
Gordon Brewer: And we'll have links in the show notes in the show summary for people to access it easily.
So, well, Derek, I'm so glad we got to spend this time together and I'm sure our paths will cross again.
Derrick Boger: Absolutely. This has been a blast, Gordon. Thanks so much for having me. Okay,
Gordon Brewer: thank you.